| A reminder of who I was |
[Monday
June 20th, 2005
11:29pm] |
Today was one of those strange days. You know, the ones that seem so right, everything seems like it is in balance and you are able to remember fondly the moments that define your choices.
Today I thought about that morning...
It makes no sense, but I needed to write it.
The light hum of the music was enough to wake me from a chemical induced slumber. Sunlight seeped through his window and danced over the sheets that covered our entwined bodies. The window was open and I felt the fresh breeze caress my face more fondly than he ever had.
I felt him move around on the bed and used it as an excuse to shift from beneath his weight. I looked over his beautful form, he is smiling and I wonder what he is dreaming. I wondered if he would still smile if he knew how sick I felt in the pit of my stomach. Would he follow me if I ran out and away? I hated knowing the answer.
Another lover, another mistake.
A song started playing that seemed strangely familiar. I was a little girl again, and felt hapiness. I used to dance around infront of my mirror preteding to be someone so much greater than I was.
His arm found my waist and startled me. What would that little girl say if she saw herself now? How did those bright eyes transform into dull pools of disppointment?
His room is plain and ininviting. There are no photos of the ones he loves, if indeed he ever loved another person, and his clothes are neatly packed away. He is nothing like me. I wanted to leave then, but it was as if he sensed my unease and moved in for the kill.
I couldn't say no, he felt so good, and he knew I'd stay for just that little bit longer.
When he had finished I got up and watched him watch me change into my clothes from the night before.
That morning I left for the last time without saying goodbye.
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[Tuesday
January 4th, 2005
9:46pm] |
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issyremix's journal